It seems as though I am being taught:
to be open to anything,
to expect nothing,
to be thankful for everything,
to plan for…now,
to quit saying, “I thought” and “If only” and “I can’t”
to always declare, “I am open”, “I am willing”, “He can in me”,
to realize that unplanning is a Perfect Plan,
to see Light upon my weakness as a path to Strength,
to step off and into, without fear.
The past twenty-four hours have presented opportunity for that breaking point which we are sometimes blessed to feel to our depth and that we are sometimes blessed from which to walk away.
And now it’s the next day.
I’m tucked into my room, no lights on. I hear the fire already going in the stove. I smell toast and coffee. I glance at the clock and tell myself that yes, he really did walk in the door seven hours ago while I slept; home for me, home for them, home now until this child is laid upon my chest and even for days afterwards.
I am listening to a certain kind of banter and laughter and deep love on the other side of my door, which only happens these certain unexpected mornings. I am going to snuggle back in and just listen for awhile.
So many tests passed, so many to come, but in this Now of the unplanned I will pause.